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Robert Dunn Bruce Weber Larissa Shmailo Lori Rappaport Michael Graves Tom Obrzut Linda Lerner Madeline Artenberg Austin Alexis Ptr Kozlowski Thomas Fucaloro George Spencer Yuko Otomo Bob Heman JD Rage Hassanal Abdullah Back to Issue 41_42 Back to Front Page |
Issue 41/42 : July - December, 2008 : Volume 11 No 1/2 Robert Dunn Pentina: Ticker Tape Just got a call from those Cheerful Charlies, the Flat Earth Society—they are suddenly back in the majority again (God knows how) and wanted me to cater a ticker tape parade down every available Broadway to celebrate this fact (appallingly unnerving and dismal though it may be To us few remaining alleged Rationalists.) Well, be That as it may, we have only one Earth And we all have to cope with whatever "facts" The majority is fool enough to embrace again ... Especially for money. So I asked, "Ticker tape Parade, eh? Exactly how do I cater a ticker tape Parade?" I could hear them smirk. "Don't be Silly," they said. "Here we go again," I muttered. "Apparently, no power on Earth Can make these bozos face astronomical facts." They pretended not to hear. "No, not the food. Fact Is—we just want you to produce the ticker tape. Yeah, enough to cover the entire ever-lovin' Earth, if necessary. Figured a job like that would be right up your street, seeing as how we're back in the saddle again." I felt my traditional head-to-toe migraine fire up again. Offers like this always trigger that reaction, and that's the fact, Jack. So I replied, teeth gritted, fingers crossed, "Much as I'd like to be in on this, my tape-tickerer is too tuckered out to tick tape." And I hung up, hoping I'd just helped save the Earth. But you may be sure, the facts were against me—by week's end the entire Earth was once again flattened by ticker tape … |