Humayun Azad

I LIVED IN OTHER PEOPLE’S TIME

I lived in other people’s time.
Their fingerprints were on my food,
Their germs were in my drinks,
And their pollution was in my faith.

I was born and raised and lived in
Other people’s time.
I learned to stand like them,
I learned to walk like them,
I learned to dress like them,
I learned to fix my hair like them,
I learned to talk like them.

They taught me how to stand like them,
They ordered me to walk like them,
They required me to dress like them,
They made me fix my hair like them,
They put their polluted words in my mouth.
They made me live exactly like them.
I lived in other people’s time.

I wanted to stand in my own way,
I wanted to walk my own way,
I wanted to dress up my own way,
I wanted to pronounce my mother tongue my own way.
I wanted to breathe my own way.

I wanted to eat fresh food,
I wanted to drink from my pure drink.

I was born in the wrong time. My own time did not manifest.
I bloomed on a wrong plant. My own plant did not sprout.
I was floating through a wrong river.
My own river did not exist.
I swam through the wrong cloud.
My own cloud was not there in the sky.
I lived in other people’s time.

I wanted to sing in my own tune.
They wanted me to sing in their shallow modes.

I wanted to dream my own way,
They made me dream the way they did.

I wanted to stand in my own way,
They ordered me to stand like them, keeping my head down.

I wanted to speak my own way,
They wanted me to speak with their dirty words.

I wanted to go all the way in,
They told me to stand outside as they did.

A piece of leftover meat was their level of success.
Kneeling down to someone else’s feet 
was their thought of pride,
The hump on their back was their reward for work,
And a chain on the neck was their great ornament.

I was away from the piece of meat. They did not tolerate that.
Instead of kneeling down like them,
I invited my misfortune.
They did not tolerate that.
Instead of the hump on my back, I accepted knives on my chest.
They did not tolerate that.
I put the chain in my hand and feet, instead of on my neck.
They did not tolerate that.
I lived in other people’s time.
My time did not come.

Their ponds were full with seasonal fish,
Their gardens were full with seasonal vegetables,
Their yards were full with seasonal flowers.

I made my own lake at their time,
So there was no water in it.
I cultivated my own way at their time,
So there was no harvest in my field.
I wanted to make a garden on my own at their time,
So there were no flowers in my garden.
It was not yet the time for sparkling water in my lake.
It was not yet the time for a new harvest in my field.
It was not yet the season for my new flower.
I lived in other people’s time.

All of my acts became a failure as the time for the future
They were successful at their present time.

The flowers they wanted to pick,
They picked them, ripped with their nails.
I only dreamed of beautiful fresh flowers.
The girls they wanted to hug,
They hugged them like a thug.
I only hugged my girl in my dream.

The women they wanted to sleep with,
They killed them with their own hands.
I only slept with my woman in my dream.

They used sharp teeth while drawing kisses.
I only offered my lips in my dream.
I lived in other people’s time.

Whatever my eyes wanted to see, 
I could not see it.
My time did not show up yet.
Whatever the way my feet wanted to trail,
I could not go that way.
My time did not show up yet.
Whatever my heart wanted to offer,
I could not offer it.
My time did not show up yet.
Whomever my body wanted to touch,
It could not touch her.
My time did not show up yet.
The world I wanted to have,
I did not get it.
My time did not show up yet.
My time did not show up yet.
I lived in other people’s time.